Welcome to my monthly newsletter, Attunement!

Each month we “tune into” a theme related to mindfulness and
explore a creative practice and tune based on this theme!

This month of March we’re TUNING INTO the frequency of:

SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP

There's a story from the Buddhist canon wherein Ānanda, the Buddha’s main attendant, said to the Buddha that spiritual friendship is half of the spiritual life. The Buddha responded by correcting him, saying that spiritual friendship is actually the whole of the spiritual life.

As the dominant culture of patriarchy and rugged individualism continues to isolate us and pit us against each other, I've been thinking about the importance of spiritual friendships.

What exactly is a spiritual friendship?

When I use the word "spiritual", I'm not meaning "religious"; rather, I'm using it to denote a person's inner journey towards awakened consciousness--mindfulness, purpose, interconnection, and love. If "spiritual" is a loaded/triggering word for you, I invite you to consider using the words "noble" or "soul" instead. Spiritual (a.k.a. noble, soul) friends, then, are those we meet along this journey, and those with whom we feel a certain kinship related to this common journey.

The Venerable Bhikkhu Bodhi, an American Theravada monk, says this about spiritual friendship:

When we try to practice the path alone, we may feel as though we are walking through a desert. It can be very lonesome, the landscape around us is rough and barren, and we have no refreshment, no inspiration from others to replenish our energies. But when we unite with others in spiritual friendship based upon common aspirations, this reinforces our own energies. When we walk a common path and engage in common practices, we gain encouragement, strength, and inspiration to continue in our practice. This is like crossing the desert in a caravan: others help us carry the supplies, we can pause for conversation, we have a sense of sharing the trials along the way, and we rejoice together as we approach our destination.

He goes on to say,

In spiritual friendship we are concerned with the other person not because of the ways that person satisfies us, but because we want to see the other person grow and develop in the direction of greater wisdom, greater virtue, greater understanding. We want the other person’s wholesome qualities to attain maturity and bring forth fruits for the benefit of others.

Spiritual friendships aren't driven by our own egocentric needs. Rather, they are characterized by aspiring to the qualities of lovingkindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity.

How do we meet spiritual friends?

Some might consider their life partner or their best friend a spiritual friend. But spiritual friends don't have to be those with whom we share our social and/or romantic lives. They can simply be people who, like you, are motivated to walk the path towards awakening (towards the cessation of greed, hatred, and delusion). For example, I have met spiritual friends on meditation retreats, in mindfulness workshops, in yoga classes, at sound baths, and at other meaningful gatherings.

Spiritual friends might even be people we haven't met personally, but who personify the qualities I mentioned before (lovingkindness, sympathetic joy, compassion, and equanimity), and from whose wisdom we might benefit.

Below is a SoulCollage® card I created of one of my spiritual friends, meditation teacher Jack Kornfield, who doesn't know me (yet!), but from whose wisdom I have deeply benefitted.

A Space for Spiritual Friends

The Be Sanctuary is full of opportunities to meet spiritual friends. I co-founded it along with owner Deborah Bosner (one of my spiritual friends!) to be a place to BE, BECOME, and BELONG--emphasis on BELONG. It's a place for people to gather, to connect, to feel seen and supported, and to support others on their journey.

In April I'll be rolling out a free monthly gathering, "Sangha, Songs, & Stillness". I hope you'll join me for sangha (community), songs (mindful music to listen to and learn/sing together), silence (guided meditation) and themed reflections/sharing with fellow friends :)

This month, I invite you to consider how you might be a spiritual friend to YOURSELF as well as to others, and how you might make an effort to get to know new spiritual friends on the path.

Finally, remember that even though there are those you wouldn't consider a spiritual friend, they can still be a teacher. I'll end with this quote from meditation teacher Devon Hase. She says:

We can learn from every single relationship we have: our pets, our beloveds, our neighbors, people who disagree with us politically, etc. Everyone can be a teacher if we can see them as presenting the opportunity for us to cultivate wisdom, compassion, and friendliness.

Creative Mindfulness Practice: Your Soul’s Garden

In the song "Crowded Table" by the group The Highwomen (it's my chosen tune of the month, and you can watch the music video at the bottom of this email!), there's a verse that says:

If we want a garden
We're gonna have to sow the seeds
Plant a little happiness
Let the roots run deep
If it's love that we give
Then it's love that we reap
If we want a garden
We're gonna have to sow the seeds

You've likely sown some of these "spiritual" seeds yourself (for example, through engaging in various mindfulness practices), but noble friends in your life may have sown (and/or continue to sow) some as well to help grow the garden of your soul.

Take some time to journal about how you've been a good spiritual friend to yourself, and also write about who else in your life has contributed to your awakenings and growth related to mindful living.

MARCH Events:

This Month’s Tune 🎵:

Each month I share a tune that resonates with the newsletter theme. For February's theme of SPIRITUAL FRIENDSHIP, I've chosen the song "Crowded Table" by The Highwomen.

Listen to it on Spotify here.

Wishing you a crowded table of spiritual friends this month and always,

-Katy

Spiritual Friendship