Welcome to my monthly newsletter, Attunement!

Each month we “tune into” a theme related to mindfulness and
explore a creative practice and tune based on this theme!

This month of April we’re TUNING INTO the frequency of:

THE FOUR FACES OF LOVE

"Love" is a difficult word to define, so when I tell myself to "be more loving", it's not all that helpful. I need some scaffolding that helps me better discern the qualities I can to cultivate to support wise, loving behaviors towards myself and toward others.

That's why I like this concept from Buddhism called the Brahmaviharas--the four highest qualities of the heart (a.k.a. of love). In Pali (the language of the Buddha's time), these qualities were named metta, karuna, mudita, and upekkha. In English they are translated as: loving-kindness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity.

THE FOUR FACES OF LOVE:

Loving-kindness is the quality of wishing others (and oneself) well
Compassion is the quality of lovingkindness directed towards others' (or our) suffering
Appreciative joy is the quality of delighting in others' happiness/joy
Equanimity is the quality of wisdom that understands others' paths are theirs alone. This quality balances the other three qualities.

When I am unsure how to proceed with a situation, or when I witness myself falling back into reactive tendencies, I can bring to mind these four heart qualities and consider which one may need to be cultivated/practiced in the moment.

THE "NEAR ENEMIES" OF THE FOUR FACES OF LOVE:

For each of these four qualities, there is what's called a "near enemy"--a state that appears similar to the desired quality but actually undermines it. I'll explain:

The near enemy of loving-kindness is selfish/conditional love
The near enemy of compassion is pity
The near enemy of appreciative joy is feigned/conditional joy
The near enemy of equanimity is indifference

THE "FAR ENEMIES" OF THE FOUR FACES OF LOVE:

For each of these four qualities, there is ALSO what's called a "far enemy"--a state which is the polar opposite of the desired quality. So:

The far enemy of loving-kindness is ill will/hatred
The far enemy of compassion is cruelty
The far enemy of appreciative joy is jealousy
The far enemy of equanimity is craving/aversion

HOW CAN KNOWING ALL OF THIS HELP?

Knowing the near and far enemies can serve as a "checks and balances system" for your heart. It helps you ask yourself things like:

Is this actually compassion, or am I just feeling sorry for someone?
Is this equanimity, or am I just checked out?
Can my jealousy actually provide an opportunity to practice appreciative joy?
Does hating someone I disagree with really make me any happier?

When I forget the qualities I'm trying to cultivate towards myself and towards others (in this case, the Brahmaviharas), I'm apt to feel directionless, even despondent.

HOW DO WE CULTIVATE THESE QUALITIES?

Knowledge isn't enough to change our behaviors. For that, we need to consistently and mindfully cultivate these four heart qualities. We don't need to force it, or make it our full-time job, but a little practice here and there, over and over again, goes a long way.

Practice doesn't need to look like formal seated meditation (though this can be a good container for observing our mental tendencies and using those insights to engage in behavior changes that reflect the Brahmavihara qualities) or even "metta meditation". Any time we're engaging in mindfulness in any form (i.e. in a forest bathing session, during a sound bath, through the SoulCollage® method, or even in conversation with another person) we have the opportunity to observe our heart-mind and choose to attune it to one or more of the four faces of love.

AN UPCOMING OPPORTUNITY:

If you'd like a deeper, creative dive into these qualities and practices that support their cultivation, I'd love for you to join me for my 4-week "Cultivating the Heart" SoulCollage® series, 6:30-8pm every Wednesday in May, at The Be Sanctuary in Upper Arlington.

**Creative Mindfulness Practice:*The Four Corners Letter***

What you'll need: A pen, paper or journal page divided into four quadrants, and about 10-15 quiet minutes.

Corner One--Loving-Kindness Prompt: "What do I wish for myself right now?" Write what good things you wish for yourself (i.e. health, peace, ease).

Corner Two--Compassion Prompt: "Where am I hurting and what does that pain need?" Acknowledge something difficult you're dealing with, and write to that part of yourself with care.

Corner Three--Sympathetic Joy Prompt: "What is going well—in my life or someone else's—that deserves real celebration?" Write about something good. A win, a moment of beauty, someone you love thriving. Notice what you feel as you write.

Corner Four--Equanimity Prompt: "What do I need to release my grip on?" Write about something you've been gripping onto—an outcome, a worry, someone else's choices. What would it feel like to loosen your hold a bit while still offering loving wishes?

APRIL Events:

This Month’s Tune 🎵:

Each month I share a tune that resonates with the newsletter theme. For April's theme of THE FOUR FACES OF LOVE, I've chosen my original song "May You Be" from my EP Web that was released in Nov. 2025.

I created this song to be a musical "metta" (lovingkindness) meditation. I invite you to consider how you might engage with it while listening--perhaps you could learn its simple melody and sing along to the chorus (repeated after every verse) while picturing a different "you" each time. For example, you could send metta to your cat, your partner, your child, your neighbor, a stranger you saw at the store this week, or even someone you strongly dislike.

You could also picture a person who loves YOU singing the lyrics back to you--sending YOU metta.

See what you notice after doing so, and consider repeating this practice monthly, weekly, or even daily.

You can listen to this song anywhere you stream music, but here's the Spotify link.

The Four Faces of Love